The eternity promise was broken with the betrayal of trust – and the ring showed me the sign.
I then fell onto my sword of martyrdom, telling myself it’s the best for everyone. And pressed pause in a holding pattern for 5 years.
With my seeking, my practices, and my learnings, the slow epiphany was scratching for a long while. My determined strong mindedness kept it quiet until transitions started.
It all came out like the sun dawning – with silence but also the light of a deeply hidden yet known realisation.
As my first born stepped out to find his way to adulthood and life exploration, the space gave way for me to step back and view the nest… In a couple of years’ time, when the motherhood contract was completed with thriving independent offspring, what was left? There will only be my choice container – and was it what I wanted?
Integrity rates very high on my values & attributes reciter scale – the reason I returned. I gave my word in those vows spoken 2 decades earlier…
But I realised I was not that person anymore. I am not so lacking in self esteem, desperate for someone else to complete me or show me I was worthy.
I had grown and changed.
I now hold my head up and show up more fully & authentically Me. Embracing my imperfections as my unique quirks with a ready smile and open laughter. It’s an ongoing work in practice.
And a piece of paper does not ensure faithfulness so why would it be so limiting as to prevent future fulfilling relationships for us both? Marriage is ol’ worldly… the dowry paid for the care-taking of the womenfolk is no longer required in this western world.
The tides of evolution are washing the old away to shift us into a new clear way of being. My thoughts are – if marriage union is not serving you both in ways that make you both shine – why be so limited as to be stuck til your last breath?
Life is to be lived as fully as possible. We do not know the number of sands in our hourglass so who does it serve, how does it serve, to not be filled with hope and happiness and peace every day, every hour, every minute?
And so, with the power of 9, and my personal 1, my transition year is drawing to a close. Not the easy decision but the right one.
My compass has been re-calibrated to my soul guidance system. Mine. My True North. And everyone has coped.
As I step forward – although now not with a known path laid out for me to follow – I’m trusting this is my way, and these are my choices, knowing the steps are towards infinite possibilities.
And so I step – and I choose with courage, gentleness and fearlessness.