I was talking with a friend recently who’d been experiencing ongoing difficulties with her ex-husband and also a neighbour who was proving extremely challenging. She found herself getting very angry and upset, as old buttons were being pushed, and emotional patterns being reactivated. ‘I read somewhere that if you’re upset with another person, that if you imagine sending love and light to them that it can help. So I’ve been doing that and it seems to be making me feel less upset. But I’m worried it might stop working,’ she nervously laughed.
If we find our buttons being pushed with someone in our life, it’s not the other person that we need to be sending love and light to. It’s Us.
Sending loving light-filled energy is a lovely thing to do. Especially when we’re sending it free of any attachment to outcome, to areas of the world experiencing extreme suffering and difficulties. However, when it comes to sending it to other people who are pressing our buttons and who haven’t actually asked us to send them loving energy, it probably means that it’s Us that needs healing. Not them.
It’s so easy for us to get caught in the illusion that we’re such a wonderful person sending loving energy to people who are annoying us. However, sending loving energy to someone who hasn’t asked for it and may not actually want it from us, is exerting our free will over theirs and not a responsible thing to do. It’s not our right to do that. And usually we’re doing it with a holier-than-thou approach, because we’re seeing the other person as being ‘wrong’ in some way and in need of fixing.
If someone’s pushing our buttons and we’re finding ourselves reacting, then we’re the ones that are hurting, and we’re the ones that are in need of healing. Not the other way round. The other person may well be having a merry old time lashing out at us and expressing themselves however they wish. However if we find ourselves feeling an emotional reaction and know that our triggers are being activated, then it means that there are old wounds within us that are being aggravated and it is our own self that is in need of healing.
The fact that we’ve been triggered is showing us that is where our loving energy most needs to be sent. To ourselves. To those parts of self that are holding onto old wounds. To those parts of self that are caught up in old stories. To those parts of self that are needing to let go and forgive and move on. We are the ones that need the healing energy, just as much if not more so than the other person we’ve been blaming.
The truth is, if we were feeling whole and complete within ourselves, then it wouldn’t bother us what anyone else said or did. It wouldn’t impact on us.
If we didn’t have any unresolved issues then whatever other people did would have very little effect on us. If we loved and accepted ourselves fully and felt nothing but unconditional love for ourselves, then other people could say what they like, it wouldn’t have anywhere to land on us or cause any irritation. If we were feeling secure within ourselves and who we are and fully loved ourselves and stood in our power at all times, then people could tap dance in front of us saying and doing the most annoying and disrespectful of things, and we’d be able to separate ourselves in the knowing that that’s their stuff, it has nothing to do with us, and it doesn’t need to affect us in any way whatsoever. And what’s more, the other person can be however they want to be, because that’s their life and it’s not impacting on ours.
Things only affect us if we give them power. And the only reason we’d ever give someone else’s ‘stuff’ power over us, is if we’re not standing in our own power ourselves as a whole and complete person who knows who they are and loves and accepts themselves on all levels of their Being. The only reason we need to forgive someone of something or send them love and light is if we’re holding on to a part of ourselves that has not yet healed. The very fact that we’re reacting is a blessing as it’s showing us that there’s something within us that’s needing to be loved and healed. And so it’s our job to love ourselves more, and to uncover those parts of self that are reacting so that they can be healed. Then we can truly thank the other person for helping us to reclaim that part of self that was wounded, and for helping us to heal and become more whole within ourselves.
So the next time someone annoys you or gets you going, take it as a sign that you need to love yourself more. That there’s a part of you that’s in need of loving. And then take responsibility for that by taking a moment to really love yourself. To connect in with your heart and imagine embracing yourself with loving arms and a deep deep deep sense of love for your Self and the person that you are. Say to yourself ‘I love you (insert your name). You are a beautiful human being, and whatever part of you that is hurting right now, I love that part of you even more. I love you, I love you, I love you.’
Love heals all wounds. It’s just that sometimes we’re so focused on other people not being the way we want them to be, that we forget to see where we ourselves are in need of love. Love yourself more and more each day, send yourself loving light with each breath, and you’ll find that you feel stronger and happier within yourself and other people somehow miraculously annoy you less and less.